Him.

Him! The insignificant other who donated his sperm and gave me baby.
Calling him my baby daddy would be to much credit. He doesn't deserve the title so I will stick with Him.

Him, is not on child support. Why you may ask? Because the old me that cared and gave people the benefit of the doubt, made that unwise decision. But its now in the working.

I accepted responsibility of the choice I made when I laid down with Him and due to the love that I have for my child, I got my grind on.
I didn't do alone. Thank God for my mama, my backbone, my hero!
We have had a our fights and our differences but she has never turned her back and neither have I. We support each other to a certain extent.

Back to Him!

Him, never calls and never comes by. But he says he loves her. Then his definition of love must be one I never known of. To me, love is sacrifice and it has no boundaries. My love is working two full time jobs going to college. Its asking my mother day after day to continue to be there, putting a strain on our relationship because I ask to much of her. I don't know when the day will come when she says that she has helped enough and she needs her space and time to live her life. Even if it means coming home and just reading a book and going to sleep.

Him has made me feel lower than dirt. Talked to me as if I was the nasty chewing gum beneath his new pair of Jordans. Him always in new sneaks and clothes when I see him. Him, shows up to birthday parties, didn't contribute a dime nor his time and came empty handed with his new fresh outfit on. Him says that he will buy her school uniforms at the beginning of the school year and it's Christmas and I haven't seen Him bring shit yet but a new pair twenty dollar classic reeboks. And peep this, Him knew that it was jacked up, that he couldn't even show his face and left the shoes on the front porch where the crackheads could have stole them. I live in the hood!! I was laying right there on the couch and my car was parked in the yard. Him said he rang the door bell and no one came to the door. Yeah!

Him hasn't seen his daughter since July and it was only for two minutes. She has been out of town twice since then, been bad in school and has taken school and Christmas pictures. Him doesn't even know. And Him says he loves her. Which still leaves me with the question. How does Him love her? Is there this invisible love that is the new thing and I have caught on to yet?

In spite of it all, I stay on the grind getting three hours of sleep a night during the week. And on top of it all still keep a moderate social life trying to distribute my time evenly among my friends and my significant other. Being a full time mother and exposing my daughter to all the riches and benefits of life. Doing all that I can so she can have everything I had and more. Trying to give her the advantage in life so that she will be well rounded and successful in life.

Him, still planted deep down in the back of my mind. The thought of him creeps into my mind every now and then. When it's about 2 or 3 in the morning and I just got off work. Fighting a migraine and back aches but can't take a strong pain pill because I will oversleep for the next job. Sitting on my bed stressed wondering how I will make these paychecks stretch and still try to save. Wondering why I ended up a person like Him. Wondering if it was punishment for sex before I got married or some other sin I may have committed. Afterwards I drift off to sleep knowing that my days will get better and my struggle is not in vain. I pray to God and give him thanks and ask for forgiviness of my sins. I pray for better days and then thank him in the same breath because I know that the better days are on the way. With a heavy heart I pray for Him but only for the sake of my daughter. So that she will be experience the REAL love of a father.

HIM