The Struggle Continues

I struggle from time when I'm in relationships because of my family. The problem is that I don't want to be like them. Cheaters. The sad part is that I can cheat if I chose to because it's easy and I know how to get away with it. I won't go into to detail on how but I know that most of it is second nature and the rest comes from being a witness to it for so many years.

I feel as if it a generational curse, because I have not witnessed my family members be faithful until old age has sat in.

The reason I feel that it is in me, is because I can be in a pretty good relationship and still look for more. As though I'm never truly satisfied or always looking for more(better). But then I look back at the few that I dated and I can see why I was always looking for more.
I want to be in a relationship where I feel that there is no more than what I already have. I want to be faithful and have a family. I want to look at my man and say that he is my everything and I want a man that can express the same to me. I know that no one is perfect and that I have to accept the good with the bad and I'm able to handle that but only with someone that is deserving. And the good must outweigh the bad.

I'm seeing a guy right now that is younger than me. This means that he has to grow and that I must give him that room to grow. But what scares me is the possibility, after giving him the room and space, he doesn't make adequate progress that I may feel I need from a man. We have had our differences but he has stepped up to the plate and made the changes that were needed. He is fun and outgoing as myself but he lacks the exposure. Age is a larger factor in maturity but I know men in the late twenties and early thirties who still act like 5 year olds.

So I try to ignore the age and focus on what matters the most. Love, honesty and ability. I feel that he loves me and I know that he has the ability to be great and I haven't caught him in a lie but I still have a trust issue. In time the trust issue will get better.
I struggle with commitment now and I put him through so much, things I should have done to the others before him. This time I'm focused on doing things the right way and standing up for myself. I have been told to let things just flow and see where it goes....I'm afraid that the flow may not work and that two years from now I will be right where I am now. In my heart the only thing I know to do is pray about it and allow God to work in my life.

So with that I wonder if I should let it all go focus only on the man above and see what happens next? With that I then ask myself, "Is this the guy that God has for me"? My usual prayer is, "God if this man is not for me, send me a sign and just let it fall apart. Have your way." And when I say that prayer it works. That smoky cloud that masks your ability to see a person for who they really are, gives way and I let them go. The problem with that is sometimes I wait to long to say that prayer. You can just imagine what I go through during those times.

Well I said that prayer three times with this one and he hasn't left yet...it's been almost six months. What is a girl to do?