Different Love

I am so tired I don't know what to do. Two weeks and I have been working two jobs and going to school two nights out the week. And I'm finally have a night off. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, and sleep.

And I did!

I was so tired and so drained that I couldn't finish my entry. I was asked to go out by my several different friends...My mind was saying yes but my body was telling me no. I don't like when I have to say no, especially to my friends that don't get to see or talk to me that much because of my hectic schedule. At times all this working gets to me but I have to remind myself of the bigger picture... My future.

As I'm sitting at this computer I am consumed with early morning phone calls with grief. My cousins' grandfather has just died this morning and my other close and dear friends' grandmother is not doing so well. These situations are very similar because the grandparents were major roles in raising my friends. They actually have a different and special bond with the grandparents because they actually were raised in their households.

Now on my hand, I never lived with any of my grandparents and I love them dearly but I know it's a different love from the way my friends love their grandparents. Actually I only had one special bond with my grandparents. It was with my grandfather on my fathers' side. He passed away many years ago when I was a little girl. During the time that I knew him, he made it known that he truly loved me. I adored him as I adore my father and till this very day I miss him and think of him often. I even know that life for me and my family would truly be different if he was still alive. He kept the family together and strong. His word was law...No questions asked.
I am now faced with the situation of my grandmother on my fathers' side of being ill. Right now it's all testing so there is not a definite answer to her illness. So I'm left here thinking what's next. Being that I live really close to her I want to be here for her and do as much as I can like I used to.
I used to clean up for her and keep up her hair and nails. But as my other girl cousins grew up I passed the responsibility on to them. They actually live with her and I basically had no choice. There was no need for me to clean up after able folks so my duties were done. And the girls had been waiting for the day that they could keep up her nails and hair.

The first part of my life, we never stayed in the same city or the same state for that fact, as any of my grandparents . So I rarely saw my grandparents so I guess that's why I didn't have a tight bond with them. I never spent summers with them or major holidays without my parents. I realized that my grandparents did less for me and my brother because we had parents that were completely there. They didn't have to step in as parents like they did for my other cousins. Growing up I didn't understand that, I thought that they loved them more because they gave them more. What a reality check. I guess that's apart of growing pains! You live and you learn.
Apart of me felt bad that I didn't love my grandparents the way my friends loved theirs. But they love them like they love their parents ...I never had that opportunity.

Leave me a note and let me know your grandparent situation.

Until then,
Lady T