It's been a while since I had the opportunity to grace this place. I kind of miss it but I really didn't have much to say. I caught up on my readings and find it very uplifting to my soul. Reading most blogs is inspiring and uplifting, just what my soul needed.

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"Why do you always seem to attract guys that are needy?"

That question was asked of me recently and it has been in my head ever since, almost haunting me. To top it off, I couldn't answer it, and I have been searching my mind to find the answer.

I know what kind of man I would love to have in my life, but for some reason that type of man is not interested in me. That tall, dark and handsome, intelligent, sincere, kid loving and intuitive man doesn't look my way. That independent and spontaneous man doesn't see this short, dark skinned, thick and professional woman. I'm the last one that gets flirted with and by then there's nothing left but that needy nicca looking for his next come up. There was a time in my life when I believed in them and their so called dreams. I believed that we could come up together and make things happen.I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. But time after time it seemed as if I was the only coming up and the only one giving.

It was never my dream to have this situation. I didn't wake up and say that I was gonna pick the worst baby daddy and be happily ever after. I never wanted this for myself but constantly I struggle with people and the perception of me. I had made a conscious decision to move forward but a couple of days ago a hit another low. I have struggled daily since then. I now realize that the devil is busy and was unhappy of my spiritual progress. It's okay because like the song says "WE FALL DOWN BUT WE GET UP".

I'm a fighter and I realize that my journey will not be easy. That's why God gave it to me because he knows that I will overcome and I will survive.

I am slowly trying to shift my focus and find a new dream or hobby. I'm not giving up on having a husband but I feel that the focus has on having one has overtaken me. Maybe my dreams were to simple and I accomplished them. Maybe I need to dream some more.

Whatever God has for me is for me and when he's ready for me to have it then I will get it!!