In most cases people say, "People do what you allow them to do".

I accept full responsibility.

When you are friends with person for a long period of time its never easy to forget them. In fact you can't.

I think about "her"(my best friend) and our relationship almost everyday. We struggled from time to time because we were two completely different people with similar views and opinions. Over time we learned to respect each other and we agreed to disagree.

In one day I went numb not knowing that it would be like this, we haven't been the same since.
I was dealing with a lot of pressure and instead of talking it out, I went silent. Maybe this was not the best choice but what's done is done.

We never intentionally hurt each other but many times found ourselves making up after misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It hasn't happened yet this time and there is no sign of when it's to come.

I love her and I miss sharing our dreams. But we were to vocal about our opinions to each other or not realizing the damage it could do to our friendship. It's not what you say, but it's how you say it. Think before you speak and some things are better left unsaid.

In most cases, no matter what has happened, I am usually the "bigger person" who makes peace and sets a new tone. But as usual when a person hurts me they see no wrong and never attempts to makeup. My thing is that when you know that you have hurt a person, intentional or unintentional, if you value the friendship you should try to make amends.


I'm tired and stretched out. A lot of people depend on me and expects a lot from me. But I wonder sometimes if they take account of my needs. And even though I am a strong person, my days get hard and my heart gets weary too. There are only two friends who have held me hand, hugged me during my sorrow or allowed me to lay my head in their laps when I needed to vent.

Funny thing is that I still love my friend and enjoy receiving news on her accomplishments. I am proud of her happy to see her dreams come true. I started blogging because of her and I still read her blog periodically. I realized today that I'm not listed on her blog list anymore. That's when I laughed and knew for sure it was over. I went for months at a time without posting and was threatened to be removed but it never happened (the benefit of being of friend).

Maybe this time apart is what we needed. Maybe it's the path that our lives was destined to take. Whatever the case, the love want die and the prayers won't cease. I thank God for her because she has impacted my life tremendously.

I finally made it!!

I remember the rush I got at Ms.Tee's graduation and dreamed of when my day would come. I missed my graduation date twice! The first time I broke my foot and had to sit out a while. The second time a state mandated course that was not apart of my original course description held me back.

Well two graduation dates late I have finally made it. Due my time of illness I missed all the deadline dates for cap and gown and other senior activities. So I had no intentions to walk, of course, against the wishes of everyone I knew. All that mattered to me was a transcript that stated degree conferred.

To my surprise there was a cap and gown ordered for me and 7 graduation tickets. So I called "BIG RED" (mama) and told her that she had a graduation to attend. She is more excited than I am. I bet if they would let her wear the gown for me, she would.

Now all the butterflies are in my stomach and all those anxious feelings of graduation day were back. All the feelings that I thought I let go and suppressed were all back.
I'm happy and excited. A true feeling of accomplishment. And the funny part of this is that is just the beginning of what I have yet to accomplish.

WISH ME LUCK!!!!

one love

It's been a while....

It's been a while since I been to this spot.

I have been sick for the past two months. Stressed and overworked from two full time jobs, my body completely shut down. I feel much better now but I have to take medication everyday for my new case of asthma.

I have made some new goals and have already started on making them happen. I am at peace with myself and still working at becoming the woman and mother that I want and need to be.

During the two months I had some time to think and make changes. Its amazing how much I learned about myself and other people during this time. One thing that I really have to get over is the fact and the realization that I am in this alone (besides my mother). Only two of my friends helped me out during this time. Two or three called and checked to see if I was getting better but never made an offer to help. Not even a visit or to come scoop me or my little one for an hour. Then I asked myself how good of a friend/family member have I been? Answer: As good as I could have been. Even with a full life I still made time and for family and friends. I don't regret a moment of it either, its who I am and what everyone expects of me. Oh well, that's how life is... some people are the givers and some people are the receivers!

Anyways! I hope that all who reads this is blessed and happy!

ONE LOVE!