Adjusting

Adjusting to Orlando really took some time. I didn't realize how home sick I would be, it rarely crossed my mind. I missed mom even though I talked to her more than twice a day. It was hard getting use to not seeing her face on a daily basis. We struggled with our relationship often, but I made it my business to overcome our troubles. I finally accepted my mother for who she was and found the beauty in that. I was constantly waiting for a change that possibly could not have happen. I have so much respect for her and I would never do anything to hurt her.

I am a work freak so finding a job was a must. I thought that I would not have a problem in that department but I was so wrong. I tried everything even Starbucks, but no one would hire me because they figured I would quit sooner than they wanted. The school system had a freeze so I was left chasing the wind trying to find any way to make some cash. My mom and dad shot me a few dollars here and there when they had it and that kept my head above water.

Soon I started substituting which eventually landed me to my present job now. It wasn't what I was looking for but at that time anything consistent was good enough for me. They brought me in under false pretenses, making me think that had intentions of paying me the salary of a teacher, but once I was in good and my probationary period was up, they dropped the budget bomb on me. Frankly it was so close to the end of the school year so I had no choice but to finish it out. But they knew how I completely felt about the situation and I made sure they knew it could never happen again.

As far a Orlando as a city...overall it OK. It is what I needed, a place with boundaries and curfews. LOL! I really don't like the fact that the city is so slow compared to Miami but I have learned to live with it. When I want to do some damage I just make a trip down to the MIA!!

I needed a change and I needed to experience life in a new area. When you change your atmosphere you change your outlook and your perspective on life. You see with new eyes! Exposure to different things has always helped people explore new and greater possibilities of life. I am so grateful for this opportunity for me as well as my daughter. I can't wait to see what's next!

From Dade County to Orange County!!

I made two big leaps in my life at the same time. I moved out of my mother's house and I moved to a new city.

I moved to Orlando, Fl to continue my life and chase some dreams.

Moving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel so free and bold. I'm able to make choices without the worry or fear of what my family would think. No more crazy looks and squinted eyes peering at me.

I love my independence and I am very proud of myself. Of course I was not singing this same tune a year ago when I first moved away.

My mother called every day and instructed me on what decisions I needed to make. She still had a hold on me and I didn't know how to nicely let her go. I have a problem hurting her feelings, so in turn mine continued to suffer. She is very controlling and opinionated, there is one way to do things and that is her way! No room for change. We are two different people that think and act diffirently and I accept that but it was very hard for her to understand. But slowly I claimed my life. I listened to her advise but I listened to God and followed him. And guess what he hasn't led me wrong yet.

I live with my best friend who is very generous and has been a blessing in my life. We help each other with our kids and other home life. It works but I struggle mentally because I still wanted to have my own place, my own rules and my own way of living. Some days are better than some and I continue to look for God's guidance. For a while I looked at my living situation as the person who was is need but one day I came to an understanding that just because my finance were not that good, it did not mean that I wasn't a blessing in her life. Maybe God put me here to bless her life and then he would work on mine. As a believer we do profess that we are his servants. So I dont mind serving him and doing his will becuase I have faith that when its my time he will bless me.

My day is sure to come. I have no fears.

Back Again!!

It's been a very long time since I have sat to a computer and let my feelings flow. I left this site alone because I was angry at a friend of mines and this is where we socialized as well.

So much has changed in my life since then. So I think that I will pick something to share each entry and play catch up. Writing here is therapy for me because I am to search my mind and explore my deepest thoughts. I hope that my job and family life will not keep me away from the computer to much. But at the same token I wont let blogging consume my mind as well!

Well here goes!!!